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Things to keep track of:
  1. Your Semblance can be activated and deactivated
  2. JNPR, Yang, and Mercury, are all still feeling the emotions you're sending at them
  3. You can become unaware of sending out emotions
  4. Thoughts inflicted by your Semblance are typed like this
  5. Emerald is still playing cover- Neo is her little sister "Nicole"
  6. No, I have not completely forgotten about Neptune
  7. This is likely the longest chapter in this story

Part VI; "A Sweet Treat"

Neo's POV

Why did I save him? Was all I could ask myself up until a few hours ago. As of a few seconds ago, I've been asking myself what HE is doing on my bed?!

(Reader): Well, no screaming is a start. Hi, name's (Reader). I assume you're Nicole?

What the f-

    Nope, this is also a kids story...sort of...

Fine. What the 'heck' did Emerald tell him?! Happy?

    Yes. Very.

I hate you so much right now.

    Yeah, thanks for that. Also, stop breaking the fourth wall.

After Emerald and I had dragged him to the base, Em suggested I get ready for bed, while she covers with some 'story.' She also said she'd leave him in one of the spare rooms.

What I wasn't expecting to find, was him, awake, in my room, ON MY BED!!!

(Reader): Huh, well, be rude all ya want. So. Noticed there wasn't any carpet or blankets on the floor. Where am I sleeping?

When I get my hands on Emerald...

(Reader): Ohh my- look. I'm trying to be nice, and polite, and not offensive. The least you could do is thank me for two. Freaking.
               Weeks. AGO!! OR, I dunno, put some blankets on the floor for me?! 'Cause ya know, I didn't exactly agree to this, Sweet
               cheeks. So at least stop giving me the silent treatme-


Yes. I slapped him. He is being an ungrateful brat for saving him from those barbarous "students" AND lending him the base to recover at. Now, Emerald's going to get one of those slaps. That is...if I make it to the door before he can hit me with a mental attack.


Muffled Emerald: Guys, quit fighting!

Seeing as though I really didn't have a better option, and he was closer than me to the door, I un-clipped my whiteboard from the bedstand, and wrote this "(Reader)" a quick little message.

Me: Yeah, shut it. I'm mute. There. Happy? Also, this is MY room, and I didn't exactly agree to you staying here EITHER!

But as I read it over, I realized something. He seemed to notice too.

Me: You don't think...

(Reader): I do.

Emerald's POV

I'd been sneaking reads at Neo's sleep 'talking.' She actually writes on her whiteboard instead, and ends up smudging it before she can read it in the morning. And I'm not sure if she's aware, but, I'm pretty sure our little ice-cream girl has the beginnings of a crush on (Reader). Huh. Well how about that; I even met the guy earlier today. And I hope Neo isn't mad I lent her room out. None of the other spare rooms were open, and Cinder isn't about to share her room. I guess they can deal with the same room. I mean, they're both old enough to be mature about it.


Oh how I was wrong. Now's probably my time to intervene...or, stay in my bed and shout through the wall, giving me a coarse voice for tomorrow. I think I'll pick...

Me: Guys, quit fighting!

Well that's that, I should probably call Mercury. He's been missing since his and Neo's heist. Dialing his number, I pause before pressing 'enter'. Why is is suddenly so quiet?

And then (Reader) and Neo decide to kick my door down, side by side.

(Reader): Alright, Emerald. How come I didn't get any say in where I'm staying?!

Neo: That wasn't what we agreed on saying!

Contrary to how most people write, Neo can do it fast enough to keep up with conversations. And the most surprising, her writing is neat, and trim, and proper. I like to take my time writing, and I could never make anything that perfect.

(Reader): Ugh, fine. Are you trying to get us together? Also, I still need somewhere to sleep.

Me: Well I can't do much to help, now can I? *sigh* To answer your questions in order: One; I'm not at liberty to answer that question.

(Reader): Yes you are-!

Me: Two; tell ya what. If Mercury doesn't get back by 11:45 tonight, that's an hour from now, you get to move his stuff to Neo's room.
       But you aren't staying in here. Mercury can sleep on the floor if he's late. Three; get back to your rooms. I'm older than both of
       you, so I'm in charge.

Neo began to pout, but (Reader) easily gave in, walking away. Thankfully, I have Mercury dialed into my scroll already; because I had to put it to my ear and pretend I'm talking to Roman to get her going.

Mercury (in phone): HAHA! Emerald help me! HAHAHA! Oh, I'm gon -hahah- I'm gonna literally die of laughter! Oh, good. It's stopping
                              again. Em, you gotta help me. I saw this faunus kid (Reader), and he helped Neo and I against our RWBY 'friends'.
                              Anywho, the guy blasted his emotions at the battlefield, and I think I got over-joyed-ness, but instead it's more like
                              I can't stop laughing for more than a few minutes. So if you can find the kid and have him stop it, that'd be great!

Me: That's great and all, but when are you getting back?

Mercury (in phone): Uh, around three? Heh. Oh gosh no iT'S HAPPENING AGAIN! HAAHAAHAHA!!!-

I hung up before he could blow my ears out.

Me: Hey (Reader)! Neo! Better get cozy, Mercury won't be back 'till three! Also, (Reader), you're gonna need to turn off your semblance!

With (Reader) and Neo, no one's POV

(Reader) Wonderful. And...*looks out door at Emerald's room*...she locked me out. So! Where am i staying, roomie?

Neo: You are staying at the foot of the bed. You can use the comforter. Only the comforter. And the name's Neopolitan. Neo for short. You will not call me "Roomie."

(Reader): *sigh* Fine. *cheesy grin* Roomie.


TIME-SKIP, brought to you by chibi Neo jumping angrily on an unconscious chibi (Reader)

(Reader)'s POV          < Everything until the line is currently irrelevant to the plot >

I fell asleep, and dreamt I was in a field. But I wasn't alone. In the distance, I could see three different creatures roaming around.

1. 1st Beast
2. 2nd Beast
3. 3rd Beast

The third one I saw, the dragon, charged right towards me, and hit me with its wing, stunning me. I looked up to see the tiger's glowing eyes, right before it swallowed me whole.

In the waking world, (Reader)'s POV

And Neo's above me, with wide, frantic eyes, shaking my head awake.

Me: What is it? And why do you look so worried?

Neo: YOUR Semblance activated, and n0w I'm t0u dizzy to move properly!!!

I could see her shaking, as she tried to carefully get up from beside me, but fell backwards instead. Resisting the urge to laugh, I tried to deactivate my Semblance, only to find it had been active for some time, as their were...two...four...six Aura trails. And a seventh pointed at Neo.

Neo: Just deactivate !t already! I can't gey aq or prperly com- *unintelligible scribbles* -ate!i

I mentally tapped the Aura trail, and it stopped flowing from me to her. I began trying to sense who the others were attached to.


With JNPR, Ren's POV

You're not good enough for this team. Yes, I am. Where's your proof? They left your name for last in the team name. That doesn't mean anything.

My calm facade was beginning to fade away. Whatever this voice is, it's pointing out insecurities and...things that make sense...but I know aren't true...Right?..about my team. I had seen the thing in my mind, and it looked like me, but with opposite colours, and my skin tone. And it's eyes were (favourite colour), something reminding me of (Reader).

Oh, come on! Stop lying to yourself! You're useless and you know it! That's not true! You're only a side character in team RWBY's lives! And of course it is, otherwise how would I exist? I am the very embodiment of YOUR insecurities!

And unfortunately, it was a confusing and cheeky little bastard. You don't know any of that for certain! If that's so, you wouldn't have these doubts swirling around in that prison of a mind. Speaking of which, your mind is like a Citadel. Get out "of my HEAD!!!" Ooh, what're ya gonna do? Shout out loud again and maybe hmm, let me think. Wake your friends? What if one of you get picked for sparring, or maybe have to do a mission? Plan to keep your teammates from sleeping? They'll blame it all on you and you know it. Pyhrra will be to concerned Jaune isn't getting enough sleep, Nora...actually that would be the only positive. It isn't true! And how is that a positive?! I'm a literal build-up of your thoughts. You and I both know you fear Nora getting too out of control. And as for Jaune? The guy HAS to take executive charge! He'll be the one in charge of getting rid of you!

If there really is someone out there that can help, please. I can't take much more. Glancing to the others' beds, I saw Jaune whimpering in what I think is his sleep, Nora was singing in her sleep again- and a bit more aggressive and bragging then usual. Pyhrra was the only one sleeping somewhat peacefully.

And if you really do stay quiet about me, how are so sure I'll just disappear?

"Life, why do you hate me so?"
                              -Noah, Total Drama series

Jaune's POV

WHYY? WHY am I even upset?! We both know what you have to be sorry for. No! I me-mean. WHY SPECIFICALLY? Ah, gosh, are you TRYING to shatter your mind?! Because I have GOT to say, IT IS VERY LOUD AND UNSTABLE IN HERE!!!

I hate anti-me. This voice is basically my skin tone and colour, but with (favourite colour) eyes, and the rest of my gear, but inverted colours. And he had my voice. Except it was so annoying!

If we're making a list. A, you'll never win Weiss' heart. Hey! Pyhrra said I just need more confidence! And (Reader) even said I shouldn't mention it was something my mom told me! See! Advice! That means they think I have a chance! Ah, (Reader). The guy YOU could've helped! YOU! Could have prevented him going missing! YOU! Could have stopped him from joining forces with Roman and the White Fang! And what did you do? I...I couldn't have stopped him from going? I...I was too busy to even...To even what? What is, it that you did? That's right. You decided "Oh hi Weiss, why don't we go to the gunshow? I have a three person ticket, so we could bring one of your friends?"

While of course, this was all depressing, what with this anti-me pointing out my recent bad decisions, and all that; it's like I was getting guilt-tripped at the same time.

And how about when you didn't answer Pyhrra's question? Didn't "feel" like it? When she asked to study? Of course I felt bad refusing. But I didn't need to! I actually felt- Ah-ah-ah! There's that word again! You "felt." And tell me, how often did that work out for you? Uh, well, it helped me get here, right? I mean, I got into Beacon? Shouldn't that account for something? You lied. You cheated your way in. Think of all those other people who've trained their whole lives, that YOU cheated past!

*whimpering* And it's getting spiteful again.

Think of Yang! Think of Pyhrra! And think of that second year Coco! All three of them worked hard to get where they are. But YOU?! YOU printed false documents! YOU stole some other student's chance here! That other student probably worked hard to get their place! But what do you do?! I know!! And I'm sorry for it! But think of all the people I-...we...'d let down by telling the truth and backing out. Actually, you're right. That's uh, that's actually smarter thinking. ...You're uh, you're not supposed to like my ideas...And anyway you'd be able to have good advise if YOU! Payed attention in class! And if you followed this advice, you'd let your teammates FAIL! They can't get by without a leader! You know that! You're the GLUE! That holds THEM! TOGETHER! "I KNOW!!! I KNOW already!! Just please stop! AND DON'T YOU BRING ATL_ INTO THIS!" WELL I WOULDN'T BRING THEM UP IF YOU HAD MADE TIME TO KEEP THEIR LEADER STILL WITH THEM!!! YEAH, WELL ATLS CAN WORK JUST FINE WITHOUT ONE MEMBER!

Ren: Jaune! Stop shouting! And who are you talking to?

Here's my chance to expose YOU! What makes you think Ren'll be alright? What if YOU woke him up?! What if YOU deprive your team of sleep?!

Me: Uh...Well, don't waste his time! I have a problem.

Ren: Yesss? You've been whimpering since (Reader) disappeared, and you certainly aren't afraid of anything that's been going on.

Ooof COURSE he'd mention the ONE event that not even my mind will let me forget today! Well it wouldn't have started if YOU'd actually bothered searching for (Reader) over the past TWO WEEKS!!!

Me: I HAVE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOU! *gesture to above my head* IT IS ONE THING TO KEEP-

Ren: Jaune stop! Who are you even talking to?!

Me: Uhh, I don't know...Maybe it's lack of sleep? See? What is it? Don't want to seem insane? Well tough luck, YOU just wasted his time. YOU need to learn your priorities, because YOU can't help but RUIN your TEAM's LIVES! Don't you think I know that already?! You're submitting already? I mean- uh, yeah. You're finally submitting.

Ren: Uh...Right. I'll...let you talk to yourself.

See? Now he thinks you're crazy.

Pyhrra's POV

I was trying to sleep, until I heard Jaune screaming. I pretended to be asleep, and Ren attended the matter. So, I tried to shut them out. Unfortunately I had a voice in my head trying to point out reasons not to trust anyone. It was "for our greater good."

Ren: Jaune! Stop shouting! And who are you talking to?

Does Jaune have a voice in his head too? Why should we care? because Jaune is not only our friend but a teammate too. You and me both know there's also a crush involved. So what does that change my decisions?

I heard upset muttering and near-silent singing, and turned towards Nora. She was still asleep, and looked to be having another "Pancake-Landia" dream again.

You shouldn't trust them. Give me a reason not to. Well, on your team, you have a world-renowned fighter- you, what's basically a ninja, Nora can bench five of her... Jaune... You've trained all year, your weapons are awesome, Glynda barely yells at you anymore and... Uhh... Jaune! So, in retrospect, only trust Jaune. But unarmed. This is going to be a long night.

In Nora's Dream, no one's POV

< Sorry, I just had to do all this at some point! By reading on, you are stating that I am not at fault for any or all mental damages inflicted XD >

Chibi Nora and her Chibi Anti-Me can be seen lying in a large, rolling meadow with literal hills of pancakes, and rivers of syrup. The grass is the colour of Ren's Volume 2 shirt. There are several grenade launchers lying across the ground, and there is an undamaged Kuriyori in the background. There are the occasional lightning cloud blowing across the pink sky, but there is a moon rather than a sun. The occasional 2D overly-cute animal can be seen grazing. Even a chibi pink Disney-worthy goat can be seen grazing the pancake hills. A barbershop quartet wearing Irish kilts can be seen on a cloud, wielding harps, singing "Pancake-Landi~aaaaa."

Nora: *happily sighs* Paaancaaakess...

*happily sighs* Paaancaaakess...

Nora: WAIT A secOND! There can only be ONE!

Anti-Nora: My thoughts EXACTLY!

Nora: Well, how about a sing off?

Anti-Nora: Sure, why not. We got like, five hours to waste.

The two both decide on a song, not telling the other.

Nora: One.

Anti-Nora: Two.

Both: Three! ♫ I'm queen of the castle, I'm queen of the castle ♫

The two glare and growl at each other, foreheads literally an inch apart. The barbershop quartet abruptly stops at the sight of lightning crackling between both Nora's foreheads. A record player stopping can also be heard.


 Both: ♫ It's morning! It's morning! It's morning! It's morning! ♫

The two hammer-wielders simply scoff and turn away from each other before doubling over giggling and falling next to each other.

In the waking world, Yang's POV

I couldn't BELIEVE IT! This was awesome, pathetic, and upsetting. Awesome, I'm talking to a red-themed me and a blue-themed me that I can see in my mind's eye, both with (favourite colour) eyes. The blue me (1) had endless tears coursing down her face and was wearing a blue-version of my tank-top back home. The red me (2) had red irises and smoke visibly rising from her ears under her flaming hair. The transparent part of her skirt was instead a deep shade of blood-red flames reaching her ankles. Pathetic, they're parts of my mind (I think), so I've been arguing with myself; and upsetting, because we were going over (Reader)'s little stunt today.

Me: Why would (Reader) betray us?! I thought, as I made my way back to my dorm.

Blue Me: He- He actually did it.

Me: And what're you going on about?

Red Me: YEAH! WHAT CAN'T you see about this! It's all PRETTY F

    Nope, quiet, you're using a child-appropriate word.

Red Me: How's about dam-

    No. Due to several legal documents, we can only use that word a few times in this story. You're the Anger Voice. We can't

     have you going off on a swearing/cursing rant with children around, can we?

Red Me: Uhh...yesss?

    No. No we don't. Now don't make me kill you off. Back to the story.

Red Me: F- I mean, darn...*growl*...clear right now!

Me: Yeah! We should've seen it coming earlier though! I could just-!


Me: -FOOL! Right in the-

Blue Me: While this is great and all, we had so many good memories.

Me: Yeah. And that TRAITOR chose to fight against us! He even had the nerve to call US the bad guys!

Blue Me: So? He's a good person. Maybe he's been mind-controlled?

Red Me: Well, genius?! If you got such a smart mouth, maybe you've got an explanation he'd trade on us that makes sense?!

Blue Me: Maybe the shock of being- of being cheated on...oh gosh, I forgot about that...

Me: Assuming he's blinded by shock, I...guess it'd make sense...Maybe?

Red Me: Well...he could still BE MIND-CONTROLLED!!!

Blue Me: But- But
could he? Maybe he- he's being mislead? Surely it can't be him?

Me: *sigh* It's time to accept it...he's officially gone bad. I mean, he was hit pretty hard after Blake cheated on him.

I had reached my dorm by now, but faltered to push the door open.

Me: Maybe he...maybe, he's trying to mess with their heads?

Red Me: Well then Princess, would you mind calmly explaining to me, WHY THE F* DID HE USE HIS SEMBLANCE ON US?! And also, WHY

Blue Me: No. He- No, he- he probably was trying to demonstrate to us how it worked then. But- but maybe it was someone else?
              Maybe he was just demonstrating? Ma- Maybe he's playing those criminals?

Me: Well then he's sure as heck doing a great job playing us too! For TWO. WEEKS. HE DISAPPEARS! But TODAY! He reappears. WITH

Red Me: Well, dipshit, how do you think WE, GOT HERE?! That boy's Semblance! HE INFLICTED YOU WITH US! US WITH US! US WITH

Blue Me: To crumble...why would he do this? After all that's happened?

Red Me: Don't tell me...

It was kind of creepy...they looked like an enraged version of me, and a depressed version of me. But the Red Me stared at the ground for this part...the scariest part was that her voice was mostly calm, and that her hair was covering her eyes. Well, as much as debating with myself is fun, this is sure gonna be one heck of night. Oh, wait, she's getting angry again.

Red Me: ...we better not have a CRUSH!!

In the villains' dorm, Mercury's POV

Well, I can at least have small moments without laughter.

It had been a few hours since Emerald called, and I tried to fall asleep here. I mean, whenever I try to sleep, I laugh myself awake, and Cinder arrived a couple minutes ago, there's another reason I don't want to fall asleep.


HAHAHAHA! OH, that was great. "Fall" asleep! HAHA! Wait...I didn't think that...So who did... Yeah you...*stifled laugh* did. Welp, I'm either insane, or asleep. *stifled laugh* It's both.

With this knowledge I turned around and saw...a duplicate of me...with a sky blue and light grey colour scheme...and (favourite colour) eyes...Gotta admit though, I could really rock my jacket in a light shade of blue...

What, didn't...heheheh, didn't think your subconsciousness could have a body? What? No. But I do like your style. Self, I think we're- *snort with laughter*- gonna be great friends. Hey, me, got any fashion tips for yourself? Yes, actually, but you're not myself. See, I'm a byproduct of a piece of your mind reflecting joy; *chuckle* yeah, I know, farfetched, and the second thing keeping me alive is a stream of Aura stretching several miles towards you, my host. Seriously...ugh, this better not be (Reader)'s Semblance... Correctomundo! That blast of Aura? Yeah, that engulfed you too. Meaning, now we're stuck with two minds in one body. Hey, so. Does this mean I get control of half the body? How does that work?

I mean, I guess I could try and reason with...myself. You know, thinking that makes me sound pathetic.


TIME-SKIP, brought to you by corgi's
(Reader)'s POV

Ugh. I hate waking up.

???: *scribble noises*

Ugh, should I pretend to be asleep?

???: *scribble noises*

My gosh, WHO is even sketching?!

???: *scribble noises*


Yup, light in my eyes. Specifically. Also literally. There was a lamp suspended by a rope, dangling a few inches from my face.

Me: I should really get some kind of sunglasses for when I wake up! Oh, hey Neo. What's with the lamp?

She looked pretty startled when i spoke up, and I could've sworn I saw her grip suddenly tighten, before she held the top of her notebook to her collarbone.

Me: Uh...what were you doing?

Distractedly, I reached over to flip it, but before I could flip over the notebook and see what was on the page, she slapped me upside-the-head, to which I then hit on the lamp! She then flipped to another page and furiously scribbled something down.

Neo: WATCH WHERE YOU PUT YOUR HANDS, PERV! And none of your business!!

Me: Wait what? O-Oh...

I got up, and saw her trying to mutely growl at me, but with a huge blush exploding across her face for some reason. I mean, she succeeded in the snarling department. Just need to make her more...intimidating...somehow...And lose the blush. Totally replaces potential intimidation, with cuteness...did I just think that? Did I SERIOUSLY just think that?! Of my new friend?! Or...wait, what if she doesn't wanna be friends? I mean, I did accidentally almost...huh. Yeah, come to think of it, what was I even distracted by..?

Me: Well, ignoring this incident, would you guys mind if I stay here?


Me: Alright, well. Best head back to my shed to hide away from the world again. Heh. I wonder what Neptune's up to? Wanna come

Neo: No. Now take your stuff. And leave my room.

Me: Alright, fine. If you wanna be so hostile over an accident, you do that.


TIME-SKIP, brought to you by...huh. There are a lot of time-skips, and POV changes here...
Neo's POV

After that...tramp...left, Cinder called me down to the warehouse downstairs. She seemed pretty urgent...but then, when do Cinder's orders not sound urgent? Oh well, best find out why when I get there. *sigh* I hope this time she'll be grateful this time.

Cinder: Neo, do you know that boy?

I followed her hand and saw her pointing towards (Reader) just leaving the building, talking to someone over his scroll. Nodding, I quickly write out on my notepad a summary of the past day's events, leaving out this morning, of course. Because who wants to tell someone else an embarrassing 'accident'?

Cinder: Good. I'm going to need you to follow him, and make sure he doesn't tell anyone about the whereabouts of this warehouse. If
            word gets out, we're going to need to shift our attack plans for the Vytal Festival...Anyway, you're not only to follow him to
            town, but all day, if you must. While this is considered stalking, we're criminals. What's it to us, am I right? Of course I am.

I quickly left the building and saw (Reader) on a park bench dialing a new number to call.

(Reader): Oh! You picked up this time! Good. I got a few missed calls from Ren, and the only voice-mail one says that my stuff's
               missing. You know where it is?

Veeeery faintly I could hear a response.
'Neptune': Yeah, about that? I've had it for a while. It's in my dorm. You want it back?
(Reader): *sarcastically* Noooo, I called about my stuff, asking about its condition and location, and I don't want anything to do with
                it anymore.
'Neptune': Oh, uh...really? Sweet, cause-
(Reader): Nep? I was kidding. I want it back. Meet me at...the ice cream parlor at...let's go with three.
'Neptune': Alright, meet ya there. Also, is this one of those where-
(Reader): This is not a "tell Scarlet David behind (Reader)'s back" secret. This is a real secret that you have to keep. *hangs up*

While I was recording notes, I saw him freeze in place, and turn towards my hiding spot with a small yet visible smirk.

(Reader): Neo, I know you're there.

Maybe he's trying to imagine a conversation?

(Reader): I can assure you, we're the only two nearby...if it helps I can detect your brain waves with my Semblance?

Damn him and his Semblance.

(Reader): Come on out. My friend Neptune has my stuff. I'm also gonna need somewhere to stay, so it'll be a long trip. Wanna come? I
               mean, I have literally nothing else to do on the way.

*sigh* Great. Cover blown, and I...wait. I'm not disobeying Cinder. She said I had to follow him. Huh, would ya look at that; Cinder has no reason to beat me when I inevitably fail this time. I bet Roman'd be proud I'm duping this one though...

    Yep, because why not XP. Neo is adopted by Roman and Cinder in this story, but the latter's less than willing and abuses her.

    So, in this, I'm just gonna make some of you Roman fans proud and have him just being a good "father" doing what he thinks is

    best for his "kid," which just so happens to be crime. If you prefer bad-guy Roman, well, he'll still have his hard-core

    antagonist moments. I'll also have Neo forgiving Cinder, 'cause why not? I feel like for the plot to continue how I feel it should,

    Cinder's going to be ungrateful for Neo's help, and Neo's going to keep helping, in hopes of positive attention. If however few

    of you guys that read this disagree, tell me in the comments, and maybe suggest how you think it should end?

...I guess I could leave my cover and join him? I mean, what's the worst that can happen, right?

Neo: Fine. I'll go. Also, I wouldn't mind if we stopped at that ice cream place?

At first he smiled a bit but shook his head. I gave him the good 'ole puppy eyes, and it looked like it was working, until he covered his face. Thankfully for me, however, I caught him with his guard down with another puppy eyes look when he removed his hands. He quickly covered it back up.

Why did his face go red?

Now, because this chapter's over, I'm gonna point out a few things.

  1. JNPR, Yang, Blake, and Mercury are all afflicted by your Semblance
    1. Each has a voice in their head
    2. The voices each represent an emotion of yours
    3. I didn't feel like writing Blake, but I did think I should show how they're coping
    4. Nora's Voice isn't too different than her normal self, only less bubbly and more aggressive
    5. It took a quite a while to come up with Yang's Voices. I got the idea of her having two because, hello? Red, Blue, and Yellow
  2. Roman and Cinder are the adoptive parents of Neo
    1. Cinder is abusive
    2. Roman is doing what he thinks is best for Neo
  3. RWBY and JNPR already know Mercury's a criminal
    1. The teachers at Beacon have no evidence, and so they don't act upon it
  4. Your Semblance allows you to use a literal "mind's eye" to see others' minds
    1. You can become unaware of your Semblance's effects on someone
    2. Your Semblance's offensive in action is represented by streams of Aura pouring out of you, through objects and persons in their way, and straight into the afflicted person
    3. These Semblance Voices all have (favourite coulour) eyes
    4. Unfortunately, no telepathy or telekinesis; we can't have you being too over-powered, now can we?
    5. When you activate your Semblance's offensive, you have to see the person(s) you're afflicting
    6. Your Semblance allows you to insert a part of your Aura inside people, spawning a fragment of their mind to life
    7. Your Semblance's offensive will continue until you 'tap' the aura stream with your mind's eye
    8. With your Semblance, you can break someone's mind apart if you try hard enough
    9. You can literally insert madness and paranoia into someone's mind
    10. The Voices created can communicate back to you if you request a status report, but you aren't aware of that yet
  5. This story needed longer chapters. And if I'm being honest, I'm not the fastest writer...typer...
  6. I hope you guys've noticed; I'm placing Red vs Blue and RWBY Chibi references in here
  7. Also,  I hope you guys've noticed that the titles each have a different reference.
    1. "From Shadows" is a reference to Jeff and Casey Lee Williams' "From Shadows" song
    2. "Runaway" was a reference to an old song by this name
    3. "Streetfighters and Eavesdroppers" contained a reference about the game "Street Fighters"
    4. "Fight the Wrong Fight" is one I had fun with; that saying "Fight the Good Fight"
    5. "An Educated Explanation" was mostly Pyhrra's explanation of your Semblance's effects, hence "an educated guess"
    6. "A Sweet Treat" was originally a pun off something else, but this chapter has the most Neo involvement, so...
    7. No title reference; you have to guess the title
    8. This one references Chess; you have to guess the title
    9. Title references Imagine Dragons' "Radioactive;" you have to guess the title
Longest chapter yet. Hope it was worth it.
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diabel30 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2017
8 : Checkmate
9 Welcome to the new age
Dra-Rad-11k Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2017  New Deviant Hobbyist General Artist
Well dang. You guessed 8. Not 9 though.
That-irish-guy Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2017
Awesome story so far. (I didn't comment on any of the other chapters because I didn't want to spam you.)

I hope this continues. Ireland 
Dra-Rad-11k Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2017  New Deviant Hobbyist General Artist
Oh I don't care if you spam me, I don't get too much comments in the first place! But Thanks! And it will. I even have some new stuff to introduce- no filler chapters. Woot woot!
That-irish-guy Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2017
I just don't want to be an ass and have you get 6-7 comments from the same person.
Dra-Rad-11k Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2017  New Deviant Hobbyist General Artist
Pfft. If anything I'd welcome it. That's practically exactly how I act when I'm coming down with an illness. But yeah, I don't mind tons of comments.

Azul: Yes, you would.

Get out of here, Spain-for-Blue!

Azul: ...what?

You know, your's Spanish...for Blue...Nevermind...
XxxDeadshotxxX Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2017
I think it's pretty good so far
Dra-Rad-11k Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2017  New Deviant Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you. Any recommendations for later chapters? The next few chapters are merely a skeletal frame of what they could be. Any ideas I could incorporate? And before you ask, I am NOT making (Reader) over-powered.
XxxDeadshotxxX Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2017
Reader should fight Neo for some reason
Dra-Rad-11k Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2017  New Deviant Hobbyist General Artist
Really? I think I can incorporate that into 7. How serious of a fight? Also, I feel like the romance thing should go how it could in real life. So I won't have Neo just in tears after the argument sobbing hysterically while hugging (Reader). Also, do ya like comedy? I have some jokes at Neo's expense ready XD.
XxxDeadshotxxX Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2017
I'm basically the joker 
Dra-Rad-11k Featured By Owner 6 days ago  New Deviant Hobbyist General Artist
Okay, so (Reader) and Neo are gonna have to fight in chapter 8, my second-to-last chapter of this story. Unfortunately, I have too much going on at once in chapter 7, and too little in 8. Hope ya can forgive me!
XxxDeadshotxxX Featured By Owner 6 days ago
It's all good
Dra-Rad-11k Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2017  New Deviant Hobbyist General Artist
Haha, guess so.
aaronladoy1 Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Aaron: Awesome work DRa-rad-11k. I love the story and the interesting parts you threw in with the semblance. I enjoy it very much and wish to see you continue your work.

Dark Aaron: it was ok at best. But I a agree with the helpful fool. Your story has my attention so far. One false move in it and I will*Covers my Dark me's mouth before a very gory detailed version of death shows up*

Dra-Rad-11k Featured By Owner 13 hours ago  New Deviant Hobbyist General Artist

Lazi: Is it too late to join the contest? Azul an' I are ready!


Lazi: He's...he drank too much coffee earlier...

Anyway, I have 7 up, but have experienced some difficulties in submitting the Journal- You have to go to Journals in order to read it.
Dra-Rad-11k Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2017  New Deviant Hobbyist General Artist
YES! IF YOU WANT, I can add something to the Semblance's offense? You're gonna have to guess, and I'll put it in 7.

 I also have a second Semblance planned for another story.
aaronladoy1 Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
It's your story and write the way you want it. Also sweet if you ever need some help brainstorming ideas I'm here. I still working on my next rwby chapter myself and kinda stuck.
Dra-Rad-11k Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2017  New Deviant Hobbyist General Artist
Mind if I proofread? I also wouldn't mind some ideas.
aaronladoy1 Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Sure I will give you the link to the first chapter.…
Dra-Rad-11k Featured By Owner 6 days ago  New Deviant Hobbyist General Artist
Okay, I could use some advice. Could you begin compiling a list? I'm sorry, it's probably a huge job, but 7 is almost out, and I want to minimize the amount of messages you have to send.
aaronladoy1 Featured By Owner 6 days ago  Hobbyist Writer
sure give me a note on what you need help with and see what i can do.
Dra-Rad-11k Featured By Owner 6 days ago  New Deviant Hobbyist General Artist
Well, I feel I have a lot figured out so far, but I am at a loss for ideas. I'll give you my skeleton of a plan for chapters 8 and 9. But I wouldn't mind, however, any suggestions?
(1 Reply)
Dra-Rad-11k Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2017  New Deviant Hobbyist General Artist
Azul: Yeah, you staged those pretty well. Got a fourth coming up?
Dra-Rad-11k Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2017  New Deviant Hobbyist General Artist
Overall great, just check the first and third chapter for critiques I've made, if you think they're important.
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